Momma's Tears

We decided when we got home that love bug would not be sleeping in our bed. She has a toddler bed that is a perfect size for her little body. Last night (this morning) after getting in from the airport about 2 am, we played and she met our Lady Bug (Weimaraner dog) until about 4:30 am or so. We did bedtime ritual and prepared her for sleep. Remember we are all on China time so our bodies think its afternoon. Daddy started first and rocked her. She screamed. And screamed. And cried. And screamed. Mommy came in and let daddy go to bed. I rocked her for a good hr while she cried some, played with the rocker some, oh and screamed. Finally I gave up with that and decided to lay her in her bed. Wow that girl can scream. I have a cot made right next to her bed so I kept my arm on the bed with her and rubbed her sweet face. While she screamed. She kept putting her hands on my face and rubbing. Finally after a long while she gave out. She lasted all day in her bed! Jeremy came in and woke us at 3:30 in the afternoon!!

Tonight different story. We are trying hard to get on US time so we started to bed early. It would be her nap time for China so I'm not sure she will sleep all night but we will see. I started rocking her until she went to sleep. Perfect! Not! After awhile I went to lay her down and she woke. I tried to rub her back to sleep and then she realized she was in her bed. It was all over. She was screaming!! It got much worse tonight though. She was scared. I held her while still in her bed thinking that would help and it stopped the crying but she would not let go and held tight. For at least 30 min. Finally I said come to momma, crying stopped and she crawled on my cot and on my chest to fall asleep immediately.

That feeling of your child being in total fear and the only thing that gives her comfort is your hug, your arms, your chest, and your kiss. I held her tight, cried, and prayed over her. I see everyday how God has worked miracles in my baby girls life. She has gone from an orphan living in a facility with hundreds of children and a rotating shift of caregivers. In less than 2 weeks she has found strength, love, and comfort in 2 people that look and sound weird. When I see what God gives her the strength to do each day, I know she can overcome bedtime.

Until then, this momma will give up sleeping in her bed, will give her chest to her baby to sleep on, whatever she needs to feel the safety.

Now to share some pics of her first day home!!



In her rocker from Uncle Mark!



Lady Bug trying to steal my bed before bedtime







This video is of her eating dinner that Poppie made us! She LOVED it!

Even though we flew in so late we had a huge turnout at the airport! I'll get those pics tomorrow and post them :)

Much love,

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